This post was culled from several graphics online. The following sentences read like “Examples of how not to write” a teacher would have accumulated over the years.
Just before drinking hemlock. Or serving it by the barrel.
These are terrible; really terrible. “It was a dark and stormy night” terrible. Thank you Edward George Bulwer-Lytton.
But, they are so fun to read.
Bad analogies written by high school students
1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
2. He was a tall as a 6’3″ tree.
3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal, quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00pm instead of 7:30.
5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
10. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
11. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge as a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
13. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in the dryer without Cling Free.
14. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
15. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
16. When she tried to sing, it sounded like a walrus giving birth to farm equipment.
17. Her eyes twinkled, like the mustache of a man with a cold.
18. She had him like a toenail stuck in a shag carpet.
19. Her eyes were like the stars, not because they twinkle, but because they were so far apart.
20. It was as easy as taking candy from a diabetic man who no longer wishes to eat candy.
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